Communication coach Jon Torrens describes a simple technique for gaining rapport.
Want rapport when speaking? Relax.
- Don’t be boring.
- Don’t overdo it.
- Don’t mess it up.
This is the kind of incredibly unhelpful self-talk that will undo any important verbal interaction, whether it’s a date, best man’s speech or a pitch for investment. The key to success in these situations? Well, thinking positively is good:
- Be interesting.
- Be cool.
- Get it right.
But this kind of thinking still creates a burden of pressure, which doesn’t help. You need to:
Stop stressing about failure and just let your thoughts flow – that’s the key to doing well in any verbal interaction, important or otherwise. If you can put yourself in the frame of mind where you feel you have nothing to lose, you’ll speak honestly and openly, which will probably be a lot more interesting.
You’ll also probably say something funny and create rapport. A few days after Ricky Gervais asked Robert De Niro to look at his script for ‘Extras’, Ricky Gervais received the call. He responded to Robert De Niro with “I thought I told you never to phone me”, which was a colossal gamble. It paid off.
When you’re asked an important question: relax, take a deep breath, and thenanswer.
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By reducing stress and fear, I make giving talks enjoyable.
Using my experience as an introvert, stand-up comic and video games designer, I deliver short, fun but effective training to create successful, confident speakers. I work with both companies and individuals.
I currently deliver training online and in person.