Madeleine Morgan of Growu writes:
So this week’s Success For Managers Tip is all about gaining rapport, respect and trust. Oh, and remember to check out the dates for your diary, at the end of this email, too.
Last Saturday I watched The Imitation Game – the film about how Alan Turing and his team broke the Enigma Code. It was brilliantly acted and a compelling story. What struck me was that it wasn’t until Alan Turing gained rapport with his team that he gained their respect and loyalty. Without that loyalty he would never have been given a chance to succeed with the project before the powers-that-be pulled the plug on it.
Last week I was working with a recruitment agency. We were interviewing candidates and also coaching them to give them the best chance of getting the job of their dreams. What they didn’t realise is that the recruitment agency had 7500 candidates on its books. With so many to choose from, these candidates really needed to know how to get people to like and trust them…fast.
This morning some team members from a tree surgery company came knocking on the doors in my street looking to drum up more business. They immediately asked if they could sell me some tree surgery services rather than developing rapport and asking questions that would help me to see there might be a need or even better giving me some advice so I’d be more willing to give them some business. Needless to say, I’d didn’t buy.
Whether you’re:
- A candidate looking for a new job
- A manager just taking over a team
- An employer looking to recruit really talented people
- A sales person trying to make a sale
- A couple meeting on a date or trying to make a marriage work
It’s your like-ability and rapport building skills that are going to win you the opportunity, the sale or the relationship. So how do you do that without being a doormat and overly pleasing people?
- Listen without interrupting and making the conversation all about you
Listen actively. That means, showing that you’re listening with nods of your head and understanding sounds. Wait until they’ve finished saying what they want to say before you reply or ask questions. Hold back on your solutions for their problems until they are ready to hear them and until you have enough information from them about the situation. Pay attention to them instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next. Show interest in their opinions, experiences and ideas. Share the talking time fairly so that you both get a chance to express yourselves. - Smile and show warmth
Smiling and warmth make others around you feel good. Most people are running a hard, stressful race…the rat race. Your warmth will uplift people and draw people to you. Make it a humane race. - Respect other people’s ideas and opinions even if you don’t agree with them
Be curious about why they think what they do. You’ll either find out something useful you didn’t realise or you’ll gain information that will give you the ability to put a stronger case for your point of view.
As Stephen Covey said, ‘Seek first to understand and then to be understood.’ Stop competing to be understood. - Remember Giver’s Gain
Give someone something rather than expecting others to give to you. They are more likely to want to give to you then, anyway.
There’s a saying that we make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give.
Enjoy looking for ways to give. The gift could cost you nothing e.g. some positive feedback, an introduction to someone who can help them, some encouragement or a helpful short cut. - Be grateful
People who are grateful are far more likable than people who complain.
I was talking to a friend recently who has, what I thought at first, an inexplicable love of reading about the World Wars. Then he told me that by reading about those hardships he is able to put his own difficulties and setbacks into perspective.
What could you feel grateful for? Your health, your relationships, the health service, your skills, your income, that it’s sunny, that it’s raining on your plants…. - Take responsibility for your part in creating situations
Be ready to own up to your part in creating a difficult relationship or a failed project.
Your colleagues, friends, family, clients and suppliers will resent you if you spend your time defending yourself and putting blame on others.
Then you can quickly turn your energies to learning what you need to do or think to change the relationship or achieve more success.
When you own up to your part, it makes it easier for others to acknowledge their part too. - Do what you say you’re going to do
There’s a saying that people with good intentions make promises; people with great character keep them. When you keep your promises, you build trust and respect in your relationships and people feel secure with you. - Forgive
Four of the most unattractive qualities in a person are anger, resentment, lack of gratitude and bitterness.
Holding onto resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Forgive others so that you can be free of resentment and the corrosive effect it has on your personality and relationships and your chances of having good things happen in the future.
You can forgive and still hold people to account and still show them ways to make amends.
When it’s time for you to say sorry, show that you mean it by never making the mistake again. - Look after yourself
Eat well, get enough sleep and exercise, build healthy self-esteem and confidence. Then you’ll have more energy, vitality and positivity to give to others. - Be positive
Negative people drag down everyone around them. Very few people have the skill and emotional strength to maintain a positive mood when those around them are negative. Learn how to be positive even in a negative environment.
Look for opportunities and solutions instead of barriers and problems. Whatever the situation, focus on what can be done.
So there you have it…10 of the many ways you can be likable.
What about you? What qualities do you like in others, and why?
Are you interested in learning more about how you can achieve more personal, career and business success?
If you are, I’d like to offer you a free Coaching Discovery Session Do you feel that there are some work or personal relationships you need to tackle but you’re not sure how? Are you feeling frustrated because you’re not experiencing all the fulfilment, rewards and success that you want?
I have two complimentary spaces for free Coaching Discovery Sessions this month. During that session, we’ll discuss where you are with your personal, career or business life. We’ll uncover hidden barriers to your success. We’ll get clear about how you’d like your life to be. Then I’ll show you how you can bridge that gap. You’ll go away feeling positive, excited and certain about your next steps.
If you would like to apply for a session, just email me: madeleine@growu.co.uk
_____________________________________________________