Madeleine Morgan writes:
Here’s a quiz to give you some idea.
- When your manager disagrees with your opinion do you:
a. Set about convincing them they’re wrong with all the facts at your disposal?
b. Find out more about their thinking first?
c. Avoid confrontation and give way quickly even when you’ve got some valid opinions? - When you give feedback to colleagues about their work do you:
a. Point out everything that’s wrong with it in a critical tone of voice?
b. Give balanced feedback – saying what’s right with it as well as what could be improved?
c. Give only praise and avoid mentioning elements that could be improved? - When your partner, friend, family member or colleague does something you don’t like do you:
a. Criticise them?
b. Learn ways to have an understanding and open conversation that leads to a win-win solution?
c. Avoid talking to them about it and complain to someone else about them? - When you feel you’ve been given too much work to do, do you:
a. Immediately complain about it to the person who is giving you the work?
b. Find out more e.g. whether you could manage your time better, delegate it to others, or check whether the person realises what your workload is like in a reasonable way?
c. Just accept the extra work and work late to get it done - When it’s time to choose where the family goes on holiday do you:
a. Insist on your choice and try to prove everyone else’s choice is wrong?
b. Creatively find a choice that enables everyone to get what they want?
c. Avoid an argument by giving in to everyone else’s choice? - When the people you manage or family members bring you their problems do you:
a. Tell them to go and work it out for themselves
b. Coach them so that they become more resourceful at solving problems?
c. Leap in with suggestions and help and take most of the responsibility for solving their problems? - When someone is angry with you, shouts and criticises, do you:
a. Shout and criticise back?
b. Find out more about what has upset them and if more mutual understanding is possible or helpful first?
c. Cry, sulk, walk out, complain about them in your head and find someone to sympathise with you?
What do your scores tell you? Here are some thoughts.
If you scored mostly ‘a’, you have a more aggressive way of relating to people, especially when you’re in conflict. A person needs to be a very confident, mature and assertive family member, friend, colleague or client to get the best out of you. People may find you difficult to reason with. They might avoid telling you things you really need to know for fear of upsetting you. You may appear immature or overbearing – this can limit your success in personal and working relationships. If they’re passive by nature they’re likely to avoid you or put up with you until they can walk out on you.
Aggressive behaviour is often learned from poor role models when we were younger and difficult life circumstances. It is sometimes a symptom of a fear that others will walk all over you if you take a more understanding approach. Strangely, aggressive people often say they fear confrontation.
Coaching and training can help you develop an assertive style that will help you get the best out of yourself and others. By learning how to look after your own interests in an assertive rather than aggressive way you will increase your personal and work success.
If you scored mostly ‘c’, you have a more passive way of relating to people. Some people will like the fact that you give in to their needs, opinions and wants so easily…but you may grow to resent them for letting you do that. More aggressive people are likely to underestimate your talents and advice, disregard your needs and are likely to over-look you at work.
If you have a ‘passive-aggressive’ tendency to walk out, sulk and complain to others about how you’re treated, people find that frustrating unless they have the assertive skillset to bring out the best in you.
Passive behaviour is often learned from poor role models when we were younger and difficult life circumstances. Fear of confrontation, getting things wrong and making things worse are often motives behind passive behaviour.
Coaching and training can help you develop a more assertive style that will help you get the best out of yourself and others and increase your personal and work success.
If you’ve scored mostly ‘b’, you have an assertive style. You are likely to enjoy positive working and personal relationships. People respect you because you bring out the best in them while leading a fulfilled and rewarding life. You tend to find creative, win-win ways to solve problems and conflict. You are more curious than judgemental. You take responsibility for your part in creating problems and you hold yourself accountable for putting things right.
You are constantly looking to learn, improve and make a positive contribution.
If you’d like more assertiveness tips, this Assertiveness Workshop being held in Cambridge on Thursday 23 October could be just what you’re looking for. Click on the link for details. www.successformanagers.co.uk/the-successful-managers-assertiveness-toolbox/
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